Tale Tale Heart
Sunday, July 21, 2013

It's amazing, the capacity a heart has to absorb hurt
and yet keep beating
I can feel it, inside me.  This aching quivering mass
thump thump, thump thump
banging a painful tattoo against my chest

I imagine it bloody
raw gaping wound pulsating in rhythm to the cadence of my tears
a sad dance of quiet despair, hidden from sight

I am walking wounded
so numb and yet so raw
every nerve ending screaming outloud
what quietly is killing my heart

If i could erase the memories
scribble you off my mind
i'd  eradicate you completely without a second thought

Instead I just go on living
with your crimes inside my head
my heart a living legacy to love won and lost
and I wonder how you live with you
how easily you forgot







Lessons in Friendship
Monday, August 15, 2011

Lessons I have learned

Friends are not infallible
I am not as strong as I thought, yet stronger then i imagined
sometimes you must break ties with the past in order to embrace the future.
Change is painful

I know now the friend I want to be
and I know because I found myself lacking that type of friend

I want to be loyal
I want to be the person who listens to the same hurt over and over
because I can
I want to be the rock you hold onto when the waves threaten to pull you from shore
I want to be the hand you reach for when there seems no hope
When everyone else has turned their back, I will stand strong and look you in the eyes
I will be truthful, even when it hurts, but kind in my delivery
I will love you as you are, not because you are who I want you to be
When you disappoint me, I will forgive
When you anger me, I will count to ten and try again

When distance threatens to make acquaintances of us, I will reach out and bridge the gap
I promise to laugh till we cry
I will be silly and expect you to do the same
I will endure things I would never otherwise do, because you want to try them
I will step outside my comfort zone
I will help you move
I will go see that stupid movie, just because you are dying to see it
Your secrets will be my secrets
I will dry your tears, your hurts, my hurts

and I will never, ever, walk away.

I think back on this year, and the disappointments I endured at the hands of people I thought were friends and I realized, sometimes in order to move forward, God makes it easy for us to let go of the past.







Today
Monday, April 11, 2011

Today is just another day

I got up, got ready for work

The ghost of you followed me as I made the bed. 

I could see you helping on your side

I pulled back the shower curtain and you were already there

My body took the space yours used to occupy

Your drawers are still yours.  I can’t bear to use them

As I did my hair I could see your exasperated expression at wasted time

 

I can almost feel your hand in mine as I drive to work, our silence is comfortable and full

I look over at the seat next to me expecting you to be there

I can feel your hand as you run it over my hair, caress my cheek

My cell phone chirps and my first thought is that it’s you

But it never is

 

Today is just another day

You are a living ghost that haunts me

I still expect to roll over and cuddle into the warmth of your back

Your pillow is a pale substitute

I tell myself this is for the best

That I deserve better

Your smile mocks those thoughts

and the memory of your soft lips on my neck makes my heart ache

 

Today is just another day

That I have to get through

Without you in it

I wish my ghost was haunting you




Dating 101
Thursday, March 19, 2009

There are a lot of things I'm learning about dating, as I have not really done a lot of it in the last few years. 
 
There's some simple rules, don't pick your nose
Chew with mouth closed
Projectile vomiting is bad....all very sound easy to know rules.
 
Here's one I must add to my list:
Never EVER use hair remover on your upper lip an hour before a date...EVER
 
 




Victoria Secret is Calling
Wednesday, February 25, 2009

My feet hit the rubber of the treadmill with a solid thump, thump, thump
I could feel the tattoo of my heart echoing the beat of my favorite song as it coursed through the headset
My breathing was shallow but not labored
The sweat on my brow, well earned and welcome
 
This was me, the me that I'm just getting to know
I run
I can keep running
Me?  Really.  Me.
 
I watch the girl in the mirror and see the strong legs and the determined face
and I feel almost like floating
...except for the fact that my panties were pooled around my hips from the constant motion of my run and the only thing keeping them from hitting the ground was that my running pants were tucked up nice and snug.
 
I guess it's time to buy new underwear...
 
 








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  • Name:Kara
  • Location: Tacoma, Washington, United States
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  • I'm a recovering single mother now married to my best friend and fellow dork in training; trying desperately to see humor in my day to day toil while simultaneously avoiding reality as much as humanly possible.

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